What should I do to make a new hat?

i have been wanting to acquire a raccoon hat for many a years now, one with a full vibrant tail. I think this all started while i was growing up in the 1980's. You see, my mother did not like hats let alone long hair. My Mother made me wear collared shirts of the same color on Mondays, Thursdays and Sundays. I thought I could get away with growing a tail, unsuccessfully though. I think a raccoon skin hat will fix many problems I have been going through lately....only I dont want the fur, I want to wear the raw flesh with its furry tail attached. Some people say this is inhumane, I call it Living. Oh yeah, Mom if your reading this, you cant control me anymore. You should have let me grow a tail but now i'm wearing raw raccoon flesh. And thank you for buying me that swiffer to clean my kitchen floor but my broom works just fine. can i get a hell yeah? i know i'm not the only one with this problem. Anyone?